Posts Tagged ‘narcissism’

Sunday, March 24th, 2002

I love myself. I’m so weird and cute. I am my best friend! *is suddenly filled with love towards herself*

Saturday, February 23rd, 2002

Today was very nice and summery. Everybody had on nice summer clothes and it made me happy. 🙂

I wonder if I’m strikingly beautiful. I wouldn’t know myself, because I’m so used to seeing myself that I don’t get “struck” with my beauty when I see myself in the mirror. Sometimes I do though, and think, “Whoa. How come nobody likes me? Grr!! I’m so damn sexy.” But it’s sad, and I bet people don’t think I’m really that attractive the first time they see me. It’s sad but true. I noticed that whenever I meet someone new, I always see some fault in their looks and feel disgusted until I realize how great a person they are and how beautiful they look. Then I feel really bad. But if you’re reading this and you think you are one of these people, then know that you’re beautiful and stop worrying about it because it’s not worth it. Yes, I hate me too.

The problem with life is that you get to kick back a lot; deadlines are looming vaguely in your head instead of nagging at you to turn stuff in the next day. Like, I’m living a pretty relaxed life right now, but deep inside I know I have a lot of stuff to do. I need to keep myself on my toes! But with me, that’s impossible.

GRR. I just remembered an English report that’s due on Monday. Things like this just piss me off whenever I remember them. Right now all I want to do is sleep.

Thursday, December 6th, 2001

Sorry I couldn’t write these past few days.. my cable died, then it came back last night and I didn’t have time to do anything other than homework. But yeah, I’m back. I’m sure you’re all thrilled.

Man.. I am so vain. I have pictures of myself all over my room.

Friday, November 16th, 2001

Yay new layout!

Tis so purdy. I love Century Gothic.. also, that shirt, which inspired the colors. Not to mention that photo of me, which I really like.

I just felt like creating something. I hate feeling like a dull, unoriginal nerd. So yeah, whatever. It’s a pretty decent layout. The only thing that makes me sad is that the picture’s so big that I won’t be able to include the beautiful column of colors when I’m taking a snapshot of it.

They still haven’t killed gurlmail. Oh wait, I take that back, they just did! They hadn’t this afternoon when I looked at it.. but I went back just now, and they’ve taken off the ad so the page looks sad and.. less colorful. Then I typed in my username and password and it didn’t do anything. It gives me a slight sinking feeling in my stomach, but oh well.. Actually, good riddance, damn it. I’ve been hating that e-mail address for a long time, but I couldn’t bear getting a new e-mail address because I was so used to the old one. But now, all those horrible experiences are behind me. I’ve saved all my e-mails (well, the majority, and the rest I just didn’t care about).. I’ve saved 1026 e-mails since Sunday night (that’s good). Of course, I put most of my other obligations on hiatus in order to do that. Now I’m proud of myself. At some point last night, when I woke up and found myself with my head resting against my hand and my other hand on the mouse, I started cursing myself and telling myself how stupid this was. But now, (almost) all the pressure is off my back, and I can spend the rest of the day learning my Honor Choir music. It’s going to be such fun.. I’m going to be missing school tomorrow.

I felt pretty crappy all day today, but I think this layout-making and lack of school has relaxed me a bit. I hate feeling like this, it is so against my own ideas of how to look at life.

Speaking of looking, I feel cool. I don’t know.. I can see myself from different points of view and that scares me sometimes.. Like, most of the time I see myself as “me”.. I mean, I look at myself from the point of view of the little person who lives inside of me. Just a few minutes ago, I looked at myself as how someone else might look at me.. just a random person who doesn’t know me that well.. Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror I see myself from the point of view a lover might. Geez.. it skews my perception of the world around me. I get confused. 🙂

Okay, I might as well start doing some work now. This weekend’s gonna be hectic, again.. geez. Will it ever stop? Of course not! I love it that way.. Sometimes I have little breakdowns, but then I drown all of them in work again. It’s a weird ongoing cycle. I don’t like being idle.. I must be doing work at all times. (Now sometimes I procrastinate, and that’s when I unwillingly have time to think and reflect on life and I don’t like that, because it depresses me.. but I am happiest when I don’t procrastinate.)

What’s wrong with me. 😛 *hugs self*

Monday, November 5th, 2001

Hi. Now a section of “Oh I am so damn sexy,” brought to you by Melike’s vainness:

I walked into the bathroom and for a moment was shocked by the beauty of my long, flowing, perfectly curly tresses that smelled oh-so-sweet. I love my hair.. and, of course, the rest of me, too.

That is it for today’s installation of “Oh I am so damn sexy.” Until next time.

Sunday, October 21st, 2001

Hi everyone.. Today is a beautiful day.. I love it when the sky is completely white and there’s no sound other than the crying of children in the distance. Not that I like listening to children crying, but it adds to the mood. *puts on her gloves*

Today I’m going to go to Amy’s house to work on a math project. Soha and Allison are gonna be there too, but Amy and I are going to take 10 minutes of our time and watch the Spanish video project we did because it was so funny. Hahaha!

Besides that, I think people around me are starting to get sick. But now, the reason for their being sick is not that they caught a cold, but because they haven’t been getting enough sleep. Hey.. I was almost going to get sick that way last week, but I snapped out of the cycle of non-sleepiness by going to bed at 9:30 on Wednesday and taking a three hour nap Thursday afternoon.

Nothing is moving right now.. everything is staying where it is. Well, at least for me. I’m sure for some other people things are developing pretty quickly. It’s times like these when I want to be able to read the future! It’s always like that.. When things are going fast you want to just sit back and enjoy the moments before they all go away, then when everything comes to a halt you are bored out of your mind and just wait for things to happen. Silly life. 😛

OH. I was going to write this last night, but I… was lazy.. *cough* But I was really pretty yesterday. Well, see, we went to a restaurant last night and I saw myself in one of the mirrors and I was like, “Wow. That is damn pretty. YAY.” Hehe. I get like that sometimes. And while I was getting ready to go to the restaurant I walked into the bathroom and was startled for a moment when I beheld myself in the mirror. I love days like that. You know what sucks? Those days usually happen when none of my friends (or nobody except for my family, in fact) can see it. What a shame. Anyway, I’m so happy. In middle school I used to be so ugly. Now.. I guess I consider myself pretty.. and that makes me happy. *feels lucky* Ahh.. I just want to hug myself.

Enough narcissism. Bye.

Friday, September 21st, 2001

Hi.. sorry I didn’t write for.. like.. almost two days! But that’s okay. *grin* I’ve been really swamped with homework, I’m so serious.. *sob* And tonight I rebelled by talking with Jocelyn for 1.5 hours on the phone (from 10:00 until 11:30) when I had crazy English assignments sitting there just waiting for me. Hah! But now I’m doing them and I’m going to bed.. but it doesn’t matter because tomorrow’s Friday anyway.. Yay Friday!

That’s all for now, folks.. Bye.

Oh.. In Spanish we’re going to do a writing assignment about love at first sight.. We just finished reading a short story about it in class. Anyway, it makes me wonder if anyone falls in love with me at first sight, like when they see me at school or something. That’d be so cute. But chances of me liking them back probably wouldn’t be that high.

Okay.. see ya later.

Sunday, September 9th, 2001

Hehe. I am such a ham. This one day after school my mom and I went to a park and I had a photo shoot.. Surprisingly, most of the pictures are good! There were also the pictures I took of myself with my cheap-o camera with only one button on it and no zoom. Most of the pictures didn’t come out, but the few did that were interesting. They’re.. um.. artistic. Yeah, that’s the word. I might make a separate page to store my “photography,” if you will. I actually like some of them. I want to display them because the ones I took in Turkey were really good. *gets inspired*

Anyway, it is the end of another pointless day. Oh well.. I’ll be busy enough tomorrow, then on Monday there’s school! Woohoo.

Friday, June 22nd, 2001

When I was going home from chemistry, I pulled down the little mirror in the car and looked at myself.. I liked it. For some reason, sitting for hours in a classroom makes me look so beautiful afterwards.. at least I think so. I find my apathetic face quite appealing. Sometimes I can’t believe I’ve grown so much now, and I look.. well.. old.. Like one of those models in those make-up commercials, in fact.. with long, flowing tresses, good facial bone structure, arched eyebrows, full lips, and meaningful eyes.. and I really love the shape of my glasses.. mm, I look sek-sayy!

Anyway, even though it may seem like it, this is not personal ad space. But geez, you’re supposed to write good things about yourself. Psychologists or whatever prefer it.

Besides, I think it’s just the mirror in the car. I come home and look at myself again and it doesn’t have the same effect. Maybe it’s because I’m looking a bit upwards in the car, so my face tipped to the front a little looks better. But not in the morning. The car mirror makes me look horrible in the mornings. Too bad nobody will ever see what I see in my car’s mirror. And to add to all that, I’m not photogenic. So I am doomed to be the only person who sees this beautiful sight every non-morning when I am looking at myself in the car mirror.

Bye.

Tuesday, June 12th, 2001

I’m sooo pretty today. Sorry, but I just am, dearie. I’m an honest person and I admit it.. I mean at least by my standards I’m pretty! My hair looked pretty cool today. Yahahaa. And I matched insanely again.. as always. It’s scary.

Anyway, I don’t know which would be more productive right now.. sleeping or crying? Both won’t get my math homework finished and prepare me for the bio test tomorrow. I must do the math first.. but then it’ll be too late to study bio.. maybe if I study bio now and do math until I fall asleep, then wake up and do some more math? Oh, and let’s not forget French. And the English project (that I haven’t started) that’s due on Wednesday. Oy. This is death. I’ll be free after Wednesday.. but until then.. I’m screwed! WAH! Oh man, I hate this!!

Well, time for dinner.