Being in love is so funny. I just read a diary entry of someone who was scared that her girlfriend (yes) was cheating on her, and was just saying how crushed she would be if that were true. Then listing all these reasons why she loved her. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Yeah, falling in love is supposedly nice. But it seems sort of senseless to me now. Not senseless in a bad way, just the thought of admiring someone so much that it’s insane. That’s love for ya. I know that if I fell in love, my life would revolve around that one guy until I got disconnected from everything else in the world. At least, that’s what it feels like to me. Maybe I could moderate. I probably won’t know for a long time, though. It’s so sad. Somebody should love me as much as I love them. Otherwise it’s not fair.. why should I suffer for it? Blah. Now I’m not making sense and probably getting on people’s nerves. Sorry.
Posts Tagged ‘love’
I’m listening to an mp3 of Whisper Not right now, and it’s so pretty. It’s my favorite song at the moment, and it’s actually put me in a romantic mood, whatever that means. My cynicism is affecting the way I look at love. Right now I really can’t find a reason to give my heart to anyone. In fact, I don’t get it. I used to get it, ever since I was in 4th grade and I made all these romantic stories until 10th grade. Now I’m just seeing the physical side of it. It’s probably nice to be held in someone’s arms, but I can’t see myself in a situation where there’s intense feeling and love behind it. I’m 100% sure that feeling exists, but now I just can’t imagine it. Sometimes I try to envision it in my head.. the whole situation, the feelings, emotions, but they won’t come. I just feel arms. Of course there’s warmth. My imagination won’t take me any further.
Sorry. I can’t think about it. It won’t come anymore. I don’t want it to come sometimes. I think I’ve talked about this before, but the idea disgusts me. I really can’t imagine it. I know it’s supposed to feel really good, but my mind tells me otherwise. It says, “Wow, this guy’s got his grimy arms around you and you want to get out of here.”
Anyway, I would like to get some sleep now.
I was just reading over what I’d written here yesterday, and man.. it does wonders to just get something out. Maybe it’s the result of bottling up more emotions, but the feelings go away after you express them.
Después de escribir ayer, paró de pensar de ti. No hay nada para hacer sobre la situación, y lo sí, pero a veces es difícil no pensar.. Lo siento, pero no puedo controlar mis pensamientos. Tengo que odiarte; sé que eres una muy buena persona, muy inteligente, amable, creativa, y mucho más, pero si no te odio, me gustas, aunque no me caigas bien. Es un poco extraño. No te preocupes – estoy mejorándome. Bueno, no vas a preocuparte porque probablemente no lees mi blog, y si lo leyeras, no comprenderías esto tampoco. ¡Jajaja!
Spanish is so cool, I’m going to write in Spanish occasionally. For those of you who don’t understand this, I’m really sorry. It’s not like I’m trying to exclude you from a big secret here. It’s just nothing but a bunch of random ramblings.
Recherche Google: droopy e-card, Google Search: choir folders
No te odio hoy, y a mí no me gusta ningún muchacho en este momento. Sigo pensando en ti. He pensado en ti por todo el día. Es que a mí no me gusta que no nos hablemos. No sé lo que piensas (¿se usa el subjuntivo aquí? hmm). ¿No me hablas porque me odias, o porque nunca piensas en mí, o porque no hay nada para decir? ¿O me vas a decir que todo esto sólamente está en mi mente? Tal vez sí, pero no me gusta sentirme así. Sé que tengo que aceptar que siempre voy a sentirme así – nunca vamos a hablar otra vez, porque cuandoquiera hablemos, algo extraño ocurre en nuestros corazones – generalmente sentimos el odio, el amor, la tristeza, la confusión, y la extrañeza en el mismo tiempo.
Los que no comprenden nada de eso – ¡lo siento! Es que tuve ganas de escribir en español. Asisto a la clase del español AP pero nunca hablo ni escribo ni leo en español afuera de clase.
It’s not even midnight yet. Today was pretty long, but I, as always, didn’t use that to my advantage. In fact, all day I accomplished absolutely nothing (except memorizing a silly ol’ song, and half of it was repeats anyway). Roar.
I got the most hits today because the site kept reappearing on Blogger’s main page since I posted quite frequently. Don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.
I think this computer addiction thing is permanent and I shall never be seen without a computer for as long as I live. My husband will get jealous. But no, actually, love was the only thing that came between me and my computer. Now I have love for nobody, so I sit here and .. yeah.
*entertains herself by recording weird noises and listening to them*
Emily’s right – I do write more now! I think part of the reason is that I’m using the fast pop-up BloggerPost thing where there’s nothing but a textbox to write my entry in, and the buttons for posting. So I don’t see my previous posts. Before, I used to come often to the editing site, but leave without posting because I’d be like “Well, I’ve already posted enough for today.” Ack. Well, hopefully people at least enjoy my ramblings. I’d rather have a charming guy in love with me always checking my site and poring over my intelligent postings, but I really can’t see that happening at this point in time.
The layout rocks, man! And hey, I noticed it matches the rugs in my bathroom! Yay green, yay olive green!
I love my new honeysuckle scented perfume. Honeysuckles have good connotations: when I was little, my grandpa and I used to take walks in the park, and while we were walking home there was a honeysuckle bush on one of the fences, and we used to pick honeysuckles for my grandma. *smiles* Aww, that’s so cute! They smell soo nice, too. I loved smelling them and I still do. I think they are my favorite flower.
Honeysuckle is called “hanımeli” in Turkish and it literally translates to “lady’s hand.” *grin* Cute.
Hey, I did go to sleep for three hours! Yay me.
Today in Spanish we talked about how Valentine’s Day was senseless and pointless. Robert and I brainstormed some pros and cons for Valentine’s Day (I wrote with my red pen) and Peter said that red was the color for both love and the devil.
Anyway, I think the most rewarding parts of the day were giving people the valentines I’d prepared for them. I made valentines for three hours last night, and they weren’t store-bought cards or anything, no.. I whipped out the colored flashcards, colored paper, and markers and made about 12 mini cards by folding a 3×5 flashcard and then pasting heart cutouts on it. Each card had a unique color combination, and I loved mixing the colors together. I love colors! In each card, I wrote a silly haiku on the left side and a short note on the right side. In each note I made sure to say, “I love you,” except for the ones for Garrett and Tom because I bet they were freaked out already without me telling them that. Of course, I signed each note with “love, Melike.” The haikus were soo funny! I hope everybody liked their’s. While I was writing them, I thought they were really stupid, but now that I think back, they were pretty humorous and cute. *grin* Anyway, enough bragging.
I don’t care if I got just one valentine, because that wasn’t the point. I think today I felt really good about myself when I gave those 12 people a special valentine (with a haiku and everything! ooo). Jaclyn was looking at Sally’s and she said, “Wow! It actually has real writing in it and everything!” I sort of regretted that I should have made valentines for about three or four more people that I don’t know as well, but if I did that, I would have gone to bed at 1:00 last night instead of at 12:00. But I hope the valentines I made brightened people’s days just a bit! Man! It was so fun!
So, even if I didn’t have a boyfriend today, my Valentine’s Day was far from meaningless, and I’d actually put love and caring and effort into my cards. Therefore, it was not a waste! Woohoo!
You are my best friend. I am also madly in love with you. Yes, my true love, I have never loved something as much as I love you. Well, okay, I take that back. Thinking about you when I’m full makes me nauseous; I don’t spend my every waking minute daydreaming about you, and I don’t have dreams about you. But damn it, you are SO GOOD.
Yay Astrocenter works again! I don’t know, it was being all weird yesterday. It didn’t know who I was, and when I tried to sign in it didn’t let me.. all very sad, I know. Come to think of it, Blogger was acting weird yesterday too. Well, anyway, I like what my horoscope says today!
This is a moment to start being creative in your life and stop being afraid of not having any talent, Melike. Who’s to say what “talent” is, anyway? And in the romance department, the love of your life might be right under your nose. Try lifting your eyes from the romance novels and look around you. The perfect mate could be any number of people in your daily life; you just have to let yourself see them.
Yay! What’s so cool about is that today I brought my sketch notebook to school just in case I get inspired or something, and I started drawing but thought, “Oh no, this is so ugly.. I’ve lost my talent forever, I’m never gonna be able to draw again.” But then I drew! Then in my SAT prep class I drew all over the testing page because we were going over problems that I knew how to do. But that’s so weird how they worded it the same way I do.. “Stop being afraid of not having any talent.. Who’s to say what ‘talent’ is, anyway?” Kewwwwwlio.
And about “the love of my life…” (I love how they always call it that..) Well, I’m not so sure if that’s accurate because according to the horoscope I don’t even know who it is anyway. So there. HAHA. Oh and hey! I AM reading a romance novel right now! We’re reading The Scarlet Letter in English class.. Andrea and I swoon over the romantic parts and hug each other. It’s so cute. *gasp* Maybe that means the love of my life is in my English class!! That narrows it down quite a bit, since most of the class is girls.. Unless my love of my life is a girl, but um.. yeah, I think I’m pretty straight. Life experience tells me so.
Man.. I know I have no competency for creative writing in English, but this Spanish account of my love at first sight is illustrated so beautifully with cool metaphors and everything that I’m thinking now that maybe I have a chance to prove myself in the written world! Hehehe. Tis such a beautiful piece, this. Good night, all.